?

Log in

Non · Sum · Qualis · Eram


I am not what I once was

Recent Entries · Archive · Friends · Profile

* * *
Now that the election is over, we can get to the important stuff. Why is there a light in the refrigerator but not in the freezer?

So that the other people in your house can't see the good ice cream you're hiding in the back of the freezer and are forced to eat the cheap healthy crap at the front. It's both diabolical and brilliant.
* * *
30 Rock returns to television today. Should Tina Fey's striking resemblance to Gov. Palin become part of this season's storyline?

Although I'm sure Tina Fey could make it work (like the Snapple product placement in season 1) I'd rather not see it. It's my favorite show and I don't want it to get overshadowed by a women who will (hopefully) be irrelevent in a weeks time.
* * *
Today's writer's block entry is interesting, what is your daily life theme song. I've never bothered to notice the writer's block questions before, not have I updated my journal in last 29 weeks (I think I liked it better before the LJ started counting the weeks), so I thought I would to take my current...not boredom but reprieve from the goings on to take care of this lack of postings. And by take care I mean mention what a cool writers block topic it is - what is you daily life theme song- and leave it at that.

I don't think I have one, but even if my life were interesting enough to be worth a theme song, I'd still have trouble picking just one. And I'd want it to be interesting, not some cliche song. Now don't get me wrong I do love me my Wizard of Oz, and twentysomething does make some good points in the lyrics and a song like that, that so many people can identify with is the marking of a good song (and I mean longevity more than hit, cuz lets face it any song can be good of the singers hot and has a good electronic music making machine)but I'm not sure that I really like the idea of sharing a daily life theme song with so many people.

There are good points, in that a shared theme song can somehow be indicative of a shared human experience, that someone out there identifies with me and my life. That it could be a total stanger is both creepy and comforting. But at the same time, I kind of desire that unique song that suits just me, that demonstrates my life and accomplishments and burdens. Although given that each person takes lyrics and makes them his or her own, would make any interpretation unique to just me.

....

wow I kinda IB-ified that and then totally fizzled out.

My point though, is that today's topic is cool but I don't have/ havn't thought of a daily life theme song and I don't use this journal very much.
Current Location:
my aunts house
Current Music:
cooking in kitchen, grandma talking and the faint sounds of a Hindi soap opera
* * *
So I gave my two weeks notice today.
I am no longer the retail wench of a giant corporation that pimps denim and Bono. Or I wont be in two weeks. Probably after Thursday. 

I have mixed feelings about this. Mostly the feeling that I will be broke and no longer have access to a ridiculous discount that will make me broke faster due to my need to get the most out of it before I leave. And I do feel relieved sort of, cuz I really didn't like much at my the new store. It's not my store. The people weren't nice, it didn't mesh with my life and I think I kind of out grew it. 

Today I gave up my student job. The job that pays for books and lunches and coffee for all-nighters, and all day- ers (let's be honest, this is me). I would have had to give it up at the end of the year anyways, if I get into practicum. It's just that the end of this job means I am one step closer to the rest of my life -to real life- outside the world of books and lectures. I still don't feel ready for it. 
* * *
Hi, can I get a small strawberry julius 
Sure. Did you want to add a banana to that?

No, I do not want to add a banana. If I wanted strawberry and banana, I would have ordered a strawberry banana julius, which costs the same as a strawberry julius, without the banana. Why would i pay 79 cents to add a banana in my strawberry julius when I don't have too?
They think they can sucker me, but they can't cuz I know. And strawberry banana julius is a little bit gross. 

In the minewhile, life is the usual.
They are shutting down my store, which makes me sad cuz it is so close to my house.  Oh well. And school sucks but that is always the case. 

Did Burke seriously sign Bertuzzi?!

* * *
* * *
Oy Vey! 
I really need better social skills. And to not be avoidant.
And to listen to my instincts when they tell me to sign off msn.

*dramadramadrama*  That is what I'm thinking with a nervous knot in my stomach as I decide whether or not to answer.

*Bigfatsigh* I've very good at being avoidant. I have english homework that I actually have to do. So maybe I didn't get the message?

*yetanotherbigfatsigh*
Social skills, I need social skills. And backbone.

*patheticsmirk*

* * *
Well fuck you too bitch!!

I don't understand why I keep inviting people who create so much drama into my life. I don't understand why people insist having some sort of entitlement on my friendship or something. Or why my friendship with other people should cause problems for them, especially when they havn't met. And I most certainly don't appreciate getting accusatory messages from someone because I'm supoossedly friends with someone who they don't like.

Well shut up.
I don't need your shit.
I don't know where you get off getting mad me for talking to someone
And I quite frankly, the only reason I'm in your life is because you need someone who will forgive your sins and wont judge you back.
I cut you out of my life because I was sick of your accusations and your drama. And less than two days after I decide to get over it and talk to you again, you are back at it again.

And then you wonder why no one talks to you anymore. You constantly blame other people for taking away your friendships when it's you who is alienating everyone who has bothered to put up with your crap for so long. 

Well I don't need this. I stopped talking to you for three months, and I have absolutely no quams about going longer this time around. 
So you have a nice life without me in it.
Current Mood:
angry Pissed FUCKING OFF
* * *

 

It has to do with the difference between standing behind the triple-pane window of your cliffside mansion and watching the sun go down over a quieting ocean- and watching instead the first beginnings of a sunrise over that same ocean, but from flat on your belly on a wet surfboard three hundred miles out from the shore, as the ocean beneath you awakens.

In the cliffside mansion, there is a conviction of separation, stability and control. On the surfboard, there is the conviction of intimate and inescapable exposure to unfathomable powers which, while they might let you ride them, will never let you gain control over them. If you are alone on a surfboard as the ocean starts to stir, there is no way to know what it will bring you that day. The only true certainties are that you cannot change those waves-only the way you ride them- and your riding will depend on how much you can accomodate yourself to their  forces.

Curiously, each wave that comes at you - that will determine your future- comes at you from behind. In that sense, the limits of your future, of where you might come to travel over the course of the day, have been building out of your vision in the wide ocean behind you, and way back in time. You do not face your future. Instead you face your past - the waves that have already passed you by. Your future is out behind you, where it's most difficult to see. 

In fact, it's useless to speak of "seeing" your future at all. Instead, you have to feel it with all your other senses as it emerges beneath you. That being so, it is impossible to really predict, with any accuracy, how the new waves will show themselves under you. You can only only try to open yourself to their dynamics as they emerge to your senses, to "feel" them as they appear, to make millions of minute and flowing adjustments to them, to constantly harmonize yourself with their forces to the greatest degree possible. Then, surprisingly, you can draw astounding speed from them. If you can find and maintain the precise intersection between all the forces, their combination is yours for the riding.



                                   From  Watch your language in Rupert Ross's Returning to the Teaching. Exploring Aboriginal Justice
 

Yeah the only class for which I do the readings.

I feel sick. I have a presentation to do and I feel sick. Not about the presentation though (well yes about the presentation since it's suppossed to be an hour long), I have a feeling that I will be fighting a rather nasty flu bug in the next couple of weeks.  Sigh.

Current Location:
SFU
Current Mood:
icky
Current Music:
It was Ella but I stopped it since I'm going now.
* * *
I just found if i only had a brain in a polyphonic ringtone...now to figure out how much it would cost

ETA: Ding dong the witch is dead too but that sounds like shit

* * *
So I'm writing my last paper. It's 15 pages worth 35% of my mark- 5 3 page journal entries, one for wach week of class. Week 7 (since i'm skipping week six for now) is my obituary. I'm suppossed to answer things like what my principle endeavor was at the time of my death, what I will be honoured for and who I will be remembered by and missed by and was loved by. I'm suppossed to write about the contributions i made and I'm proud of. 

I really can't answer the question beyond the fact that 93 seems really old and yet will probably be average by the time i would be 93. I have so many questions about my life in the next 2 or 3 years, how do i go about answering questions about my life down the road. And seriously I could die any time (though hopefully i won't- knock on wood) and most of these things would be blank. 

Having died at the age of 93 from complications of space travel, Shaheena is survived by her aliens she adopted from mars.

It will be 2078 by then so it is entirely possible. And at the rate the world is going, we might even be living on Jupiter because some politician got a little trigger happy and the Earth is a glowing ball of goo. 

I guess they would be martians if they were from mars.

I clearly need sleep and probably some help, if i think sleep is going to fix the issue of not knowing my life. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be be able to get a glimpse into the future just to see how things turn out. That of course would lead to the problem of changing the future if I don't like it meaningit would no longer be my future and i'd be back in the same boat of not knowing how things would turn out.

I read the last page of my Nancy Drews before I finished the book. But only the last page, after the first chapter...I think. Maybe before the first chapter. I wonder what that says, that I read the last page before continuing. I needed know it was all going to be good before i went ahead? Isn't that what I do? To afraid of things going wrong so I don't start? or don't finish?

Shaheena made great contributions in the area of procrastinations, hesitence and overthinking as she always managed to find something even more entertaining with every paper due, never dove in head first and had way too many theories of why she was the way she was. 

I'm skipping this entry.
Who wants to talk about individulas and relationships and reconcilling goals with values anyways. 

Oh look me procrastinating again, but perhaps i'd rather not be left to think about my death.
* * *
* * *

Previous · Next